Age 7: 1969 – 70

In the playground, Patricia asks me, ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’

I know the answer; I have thought about it a lot.

‘I’d like to have my own television programme.’

‘What, you mean like, ‘The Imran Ahmad Show’?’

‘No, I mean like …’ but my voice trails off. I can’t explain this; it will sound ridiculous.

What I really want is to be an actor who plays a character like Simon Templar in The Saint; a brave hero who helps good people and punches bad people and drives a sports car called a Volvo. But I know that this is a wild, impossible dream for two reasons. First, no one can imagine a television programme with a Pakistani man as the hero – that will never happen. Second, as a television hero I would probably have to kiss women – on the lips! – and Pakistanis don’t do that. I cringe with embarrassment at what my parents would think if they saw me on the television, kissing women, like The Saint does.